Darwin, Darwinism, Evolution. The debate and the reality.

When Charles Darwin set off on a five year journey of exploration, he
could have never imagined how it would turn out. Many people think of
the Galapagos islands when they think of his findings, but there was so
much more to his entire journey, and his ultimate conclusion of Natural
Selection. While he is most famous for his finches, Darwin had many more
examples of evolution, and a better understanding than many people
living today.

In total it took Darwin 20 years of
researching, exploring, and understanding to come to the conclusion that
natural selection was the force of change among species. After
consulting with many specialists, and even dissecting animals, he noted
how curiously similar species are, and yet small to large differences
made them incompatible for breeding.

Speciation can
take long or short periods. What we think of as long or short, with our
life span of approximately 80 is nothing on the time clock of the
planet. For instance, dinosaurs lived here on this planet for around
150million years. During that time species came and went, but over
Milena. They changed over millions of years as well. On the time clock
of history, hundreds to thousands of years is a small amount of time.
Animals who have been able to adapt and sustain life as they first
evolved, such as crocodiles, have basically been the same for hundreds
of millions of years. So for a species to be formed after 500 years, 100
years, or 1000 years, can still be a rapid change.

The
driving mechanism is natural selection. Nature picks the best of the
best to survive. Not by any intent or design, but by living on a planet
which is not cognoscente of its existence. This planet is volatile and
unpredictable, so as climate change occurs, of dry, and wet periods
oscillate species have to adapt to their environment and its changes, or
face extinction.

Many of the species alive to day
share common ancestors. As Darwin pointed out, and while he was not the
first to come to this conclusion, he was the first to present
overwhelming evidence to his claim. Even during his time, Darwin shocked
the world, because he took us from the darkness of not understanding
the similarities noted in nature and species, to being able to see how
closely we are related.

For example, mammals, are all
closely related. Horses which evolved from a smaller ancestor have
undergone dramatic changes. From having 4 toes in the front and 3 in the
rear, to having bone structures that are remnants while having a nail
like covered single toe in the front and rear. Not only that, but they
have gone from  the size of a medium dog, to the size they currently
are. This has taken place over thousands of years. As grassland became
available, they adapted from forest dwelling animals, into larger
animals who could survive in the open.

Other examples
are remnant hip bones in the whale, fossils of snakes with partial
limbs, the human coccyx, fossils of the ancestors to whales with actual
limbs, dinosaurs with feathers, ones showing a progressive line of
diverging into modern birds, and so on the story goes.

As
paleontologists uncover the past, they find more and more intermediate
species, not that it is needed to conclude natural selection. Since we
now have DNA analysis we can see the genome and how everything is
closely related, we have even been able to find gene switches which are
dormant in modern creatures, but once served a purpose in animals in
history. Things like teeth in a chicken, and longer tails, human embryos
looking like fish in their primary stages. They aid in the
understanding of the impact evolution has had, and will have on our
planet.

Some people think that evolution has not been
proven, or that it would be easily dis proven. Yet scientists know that
is not at all true. Even finding fossils in the evolutionary line, that
didn’t fit what scientists now believe is how we evolved, would dismiss
evolution. That is because evolution is not only a fact, but it is also a
theory. A theory supported by volumes of evidence.

So
how do we call it a theory, and fossils could change what we know, but
evolution still be true? That is because scientists are willing to
rewrite the record on how we evolved, if the evidence is found. It would
not change the fact that we evolved. The time record already shows
there was a period of millions of years where humans were no where on
this planet, and while we have found fossils leading from our ancestor
who diverged with chimps, around 6 million years ago, we don’t have the
complete line, or the line back to the first cell that formed.

Then
how can we say we know? Simple, we have enough evidence for it, to show
a pattern, a line from where humans began to evolve, and where mammals
evolved. Trait after trait new species arose, species died out and with
millions of species found either in the fossil record, or living, there
is a record of relation. Humans have no divine origins. There is no
moment where we can say all life was blinked into existence and then
started evolving further, but humans remained the same.

We
humans are living proof of our own evolution. Looking at human
diversity in skin color, facial features, height, body frame, one can
see how we began adapting to our environments, and if we had been given
millions of years of isolation, we might have speciated.

How
can I say that? Just 2 years ago a hominid was found on an isolated
island which was human like, but dwarfed. That is likely due to less
resources, and survival. Bones that have been found show that they were
of normal stature when they first arrived on the island. While the whole
like of their evolution has not been found, what we do know is
ultimately they became small, and went extinct. Since they are extinct,
we don’t know about their reproductive organs, and if they had
differences that might have made interbreeding with other hominids
difficult.

People who call it Darwinism, as if it were a
religion deny the reality with wilful ignorance. There is not one true
scientist who can say evolution did not happen. That is because there
are thousands of museums world wide with millions of fossils, there are
currently millions of species alive, we have evidence leading from
simple organisms, to highly complex.

The eye has
evolved separately many, many times. Lungs in whales, dolphins, remnant
bones, similar genetics, the number of digits in wings, or fins, the
mammalian embryo sack, and thousands of things all over the world, can’t
be wrong.

For those who say fossils were put there to
test faith. Well it would be absurd to concoct species so similar and
leading to modern ones, just to fool people. Not only that, but many of
those species don’t have anything to do with species that are currently
alive on this planet. They do not in fact have any descendants. So
placing those there is like placing a small orb in the vast emptiness of
a whole universe and making only one species special out of millions,
and then giving them a whole universe they can’t even explore.
Needlessly complex, and uselessly overdone.

Evolution
is not something scientists want to lie about, we place in their trust a
great deal of trust for the survival of the human race. Drugs, gene
therapy, stem cells, modern medicine, vaccines, cures, and even all the
machines around us show the need for a basic trust with the scientific
community, one that we have established. The only reason science works
is it is based on the reality of how things work, have worked, and have
evolved to work.

When it comes to evolution, it would
take the lifetime of all of us to even understand the amount of data
that exists showing how it has happened. It took Darwin 20 years to mass
what he had, and he had only scratched the surface, today we have
millions of dedicated scientific personnel working on understanding the
small fraction they study. We have volumes of evidence ready and at the
finger tips of anyone and everyone willing to look.

It
is utter garbage to deny evolution. Absurd to claim you know from a
singular book how humans came to be, and wilful ignorance to proclaim
with the breath of a divine being we walked into history in the middle
of it, special and above all that was already occurring on this planet.
Either you come to the conclusion that we evolved and accept it or you
blindly follow a ideology which has made no sense, provided no evidence,
shown no facts, and keeps you blind and ignorant to the reality.

No Reality Is Like Your Reality

 

 

 

In the grand scheme of things, your mind is as unique as your finger
prints or your retina. No person has been like you or will ever be as
exact as you. You are a special data bank of thought and information
collected over your lifetime to the point where you read this, and then
forever after.

 

 

 

Have you ever stopped to think of the
most unique events of your life, or even the ones which seem mundane and
far from extraordinary? These events shaped the way you think, your
neural responses, your patterns. Every one of them can trigger a
preconceived action. You are at this point in time, all of your prior
patterns. Those are broken when new information enters, and a new neural
link is made.

 

 

 

Many people will go a lifetime and make a
minimal amount of re-linkings, some people will constantly create new
information and links. Memories are accessed all the time in our minds,
sometimes changing and adding new information to them, but it doesn’t
change large portions of our brain, neural, structure. The neurons can
create new links at any time.

 

 

 

The problem we face in
society is we are working with many dimensions of the mind.  Not just
the patterns, but the outcome of the patterns, and biology of the brain.
When we try and convince people they have done something wrong, they
sometimes don’t see or accept why it was wrong.

 

 

 

A mind
pre conditioned into a pattern can be changed, but through work with the
existing ones, replacing, revisiting and changing memories, which can’t
be trusted. Memories are flawed, but they create a person who is
individual because of the pattern that they created.

 

 

 

People
who don’t obey social laws and constructs, or mores, have often been
conditioned mentally to not obey them, to hold them as suspect, or
believe themselves above the law. In some cases the person has emotional
or mental, even physical trauma behind the creation of these patterns.

 

 

 

Once
a person has broken some of the more extreme social laws, such as
murder, they can’t be trusted to follow them again. It is hard to
convince a person who has taken a life, in many instances, that they did
something very wrong. Over time they may or may not come to accept
that. It varies, mostly by the situation. Though prison has the ability
to reinforce negative patterns, and the breaking of social laws.

 

 

 

Each
of us though, is an amalgum, of memories, and patterns, strewn throught
the brain stored in the neurons, each of us have lived different lives,
seen things from personal perspectives. Even those who go through many
of the same things, still will have variables, experiences which are
different from every perspective, and build upon prior experiences. Even
one variable is enough to alter a pattern, which, often times there are
many dynamics. Things the person saw, thinks they saw, can alter their
perception.

 

 

 

There are seven billion versions of this
world, how it functions, the patterns and establisment of boundaries.
Seven billion ways of seeing the world, but you can only see it from
yours. While you can empathize with others on their experiences, and
patterns, you realize that you can’t take on another persons
perspective, and even your perspective can just be what you have created
in your mind.

 

 

 

Our reality is as real as we make it, we
define ourselves over and over. Our minds seek our comforting patterns,
and we remain individuals. Though we can be made to believe things
which alter our outlook on life, we have a personality based on the
patterns which first formed us. Things which we don’t think about. Why
do we laugh at certain jokes, become offended, cry, feel sad, happy,
love a certain way?

 

 

 

We are programmed by birth to mock
the behaviors of those teaching us, yet we will inevitably become
unique. Sometimes having to go back and reprogram the core programs and
patterns set by the primary care takers in our lives.  The mind being a
highly complex diverse organization of neural connections. From those
primary care takers and our first years we begin to develop a sense of
self and self awareness. After that period of time we continue making
secondary connections based upon our primary development. Interactions
we have with other humans alter and define ultimately who we think we
are. Based upon that is our social, romantic, and emotional behaviors.

 

 

 

Often
times we need help externally based to sort through the memories, and
help to alter them. People can be as much a victim of their neural
patterns as they are a product of them. This is why society is such a
hard and dynamic structure, yet one worth the effort and time. In all of
our realities, there is no one reality which is more real than the
others. Yet today when you look out from your eyes, all you will see is
your own reality reflecting back at you, but you at least know that your
reality only exists inside of your mind.

 

 

 

 

 

The Sex of Biology and Your Biological Sex.

What people most misunderstand about their gender, sexual orientation and who they really are, is what really defines them. While most creationists are in the dark about how there would even be two sexes if we evolved, some of us know it gets even more complicated from there. In fact, highly confusing, and a bit genetically messy. In order to explain the disorders, and orders which make you who you are, we have to take a look into the genes, and start by how and why we got here.

When I say how we got here, I don’t mean who designed us, because there is no design, as I will point out. What I want you to understand it how you think you are made, and who you think you are, may not be the entire truth. In fact what I am about to point out may be lurking inside of you.

Having two sexes is in biologically important to gene shuffling, and creating diversity within the human race. The divergence of sexes is nothing new. In bacteria they even behave like two sexes at times. They go through a process where one bacteria links to the other by conjugation tube and in an open space trades genetic material. Once that is done the materials are exchanged and the bacteria removes the tube. Then it goes on to self replicate creating a new gene combination.

The first plants went through a similar process, with two generations of the plant, the sporophyte generation, and the gametophyte generation. The spores would pollinate other plants as well as itself while the gametophyte made many copies of the plants new generations. So diversity is nothing new. And for those who are not up on science, I will make the next part easy for you.

Once you have a method of reproduction like an egg sperm, and you have an amniotic environment, like everything since amphibians use, it is easy to establish sexes. Since you can’t do genetic mixing, or recombination without two sexes, it must have been more advantageous for genes to mix by sexual diversion. Species that have both sexual organs tend to self impregnate, and the genetic diversity in these species is lower. They are also lower species, like worms, and cockroaches. More complex species use the single sex, intercourse method of reproduction.

Where that branched out may be as far back as the early Cambrian sea. While it works, and works well, there is no flawless method of creating offspring. That is what my next part is about. Think you know why people are gay, or a man feels like a woman trapped in a mans body? The truth might lie deep in the genes, and it is nothing shameful or wrong. In fact if it is the cause, it is only nature at work, and perhaps a slip back towards the time when we were one sex. No not humans, but that far too distant ancestor to even elaborate how far back the chain goes.

Some men, and it is mostly men, if not always carry a genetic anomaly. Just one or a few extra chromosomes.

There are several genetic anomalies in which children, though predominately men, have more than one x chromosome. If they are male they have XXY and if they are female they have XXX though mostly men face this. It does have some effects on their growth, and testicles and even their IQ. Wheather or not it influences their sexual behavior, no one knows. Mostly because studies done on homosexuals in the past have been largely biased, and related to calling it a disease, instead of seeing it for what it is, and that is a normal part of nature.

Like genes, and their sometimes incidental recombination, people don’t always come out with one particular sexual orientation. While this was and is misunderstood, it is not at all abnormal. Over 300 other species show signs of homosexual behaviors, meaning that if we studied sexual patterns across the globe in species, we might learn not all the males or females want to be heterosexual either. Having a extra gene can define a person. Just like a sexual orientation does, and while it has not been studied and linked, it should be checked. Not by any imagination to alienate, or treat it in order to eliminate homosexuals. One thing that should be understood in this age, is that homosexuality is not just about sex, it is about love. Homosexuals love, and have families who love, and have every right to be treated with the same understanding and love that we give to any other person. Looking into the genetics of how and why should be about looking into the truth, that we are not all defined by one sexual orientation, gene, or nature.

Just because a person is born with certain sexual organs, does not define who they are, or what sex they will want or need. It only gives us a general idea of what they are. They can be female by birth, and yet chemically, and genetically a male. Or they can be male by birth, and chemically and genetically a female. We are still learning all the roles the primary gene orders, induction of hormones, sexual development all play in who we are. Even a protein acting on a nucleotide base can alter actions and if it is a hormone, behaviors.

Biology is only the beginning base of our construct, by the time a person is ready for sex, they have been through the biology, the hormones, the sociology, and are an individual. Genes are not the final say so, nor are hormones, nor is social structure. Ultimately our biology makes us one thing, just who we are, but it does not define everything.

A large majority of women are aroused at lesbian porn. They are aroused at gay porn, and heterosexual porn, while a large majority of straight males are only aroused at lesbian and hereto porn. Women seem to be more sexual in the brain, while men are more in the sexual organs. Yet who we are and how we behave is only in part how we are socialized. Most of our behavior is defined by things we have no control over.

Many people think that being straight is the natural default of humans and all species, but there may in fact be no natural default. We may tend to just be sexual and through socialization learn what is acceptable. This however can be damaging to a persons true sexual need and nature. While creationists are ready to label all sex but procreation sex as immoral wrong and perverse, it is by no means true. What they have done is revert the process of sexuality to being something they can only define, and they don’t even have any proof or evidence for their claims.

The biological nature of humans has been skewed by religious doctrines. Even some of the most religious men may carry these extra chromosomes, sexual desires, and needs. They may believe that there is a default sexual orientation. Once again showing where the old ways of determining what is right is flawed, and need scrapped. Humans need to be looked at honestly and as a whole. So that the reality of our sexual biology can be studied and understood.

 

 

The Poison of Religion, and the victims it takes.

The newly elected pope speaks volumes to the extent religion will go to continue the paralyzing sickness that it plagues upon humanity. Laws against gay marriage, women and the right to their bodies, assaults on real liberties, and continued hate speech disguised as nothing grander than biblical literature. It continues day after day, even as the clerics flee from the hate and sickness that is poisoning them as well. It seems the new century has shown us a few things. One of them is the darkest side of religion. The need for death, and hate, and fear to perpetuate as much as possible, or dare to risk loosing its perpetual victims by the droves, and what better way to manipulate the populous than to distort reality.

Religion may not have been created for power and control, but it has been usurped for such a twisted cause. In fact it has become the leading tenet of the religious doctrine. Foregoing many of the old laws to invoke the greatest fear of all. The question of homosexuality seems to be a keep. Since many people fear what they are inherently unwilling to understand. Since the church has spent a inordinate amount of time perpetuating homosexuality as unnatural, it is a ready cliff to utilize on the masses as a continued cycle of fear, especially among religious males who fear homosexuality and gay sex. Not because the reality of that sex is anything different than heterosexual sex, but because they fear they would like it.

Religion is fascinated with the continued victimhood of those who follow, and revel in it. It uses the masses and the fear pre built into our heads to control when people feel safe, and how they feel safe. Like the history of our evolution, they promise that there are things we could not understand or dare to ever understand without them. The lead people like sheep to the slaughter to a place of irrational hope and fear entwined. That something beyond them can save them from that which defines our humanity. The inability to control our world and what inevitable will happen to us all. The lack of security we face every day, with no promise of anything supernatural. The truth that we are alone, and we have to sustain ourselves on the fact that all we have united is each other.

The poisoning of minds is not just an effect of the sickness embedded in the religious doctrines, but it is perpetuated by those who are highly infected with the virus of it. Facing the reality of the world is beyond many of them, like a veil over their eyes. When religion has nothing to offer in reality, it has fear and promises of useless things in the next world, life, or heaven as you would call it. Who needs gold when it has no value? Who needs pearls, or castles, or milk and honey, when you can’t own, feel, taste or touch it with the senses attached to your physical form. In essence they sold you something which only has the value you place on it now, here in this life with the promise that it will continue to have the same value in the next. Yet we place every value on these things. That is our doing, but who is our? Who told you, and made you believe that gold is worth more than any other metal or rock? That is what you were taught to believe.

Who told you that milk and honey unlimited were things which were crucial to happiness, when you couldn’t sense anything. Heaven is a lie, and a promise of everything you never had, and never will have, with the hope that you will forget how frail and fragile this life and all that is in it really is. It is the denial of self and the reality that we suffer and grow old only to die and be replaced by new life. It sells you everything you want, and wanted. To never be separated from those who you grew to love and be bonded to, to never have to face loosing them and knowing that nothing will ever bring them back. Heaven is the worst lie of all, because it stops you from looking at reality on the light it needs to be. The light of seeing every person, and every moment as precious. To be used to touch as many lives as possible, and connect with them, and let others know, we may have no gods but we are never alone, unloved, or unwanted.

The doctrines of nomadic herdsmen, who could not imagine what the reality of the world and life is told each other stories. Those stories became books of legend and holy doctrines passed on through the ages. They became useful to men and women willing to enslave, manipulate, and harm others. They were written by men with agendas, and hate for things they feared. Why else would you sacrifice virgins, stone women, and cast curses on people. Because these men were paralyzed by their fears, and they were willing to paralyze others, and systematically that fear encompassed every continent on this planet, until the world was cloaked in darkness and fear. Those are what we call the dark ages, and it was only curiosity, and resolving to not fear which moved us out of them. It was finding that there are more explanations to things which gave us the forward momentum. Now religion lives in fear of that momentum, knowing that day by day, their numbers and power over us are dwindling. While it may seem they are on the rise.

The small minded ones who rose to the top know their actions are futile. That they will face the future where religion is no longer the most important thing in our world, and we will still live on. But they are terrified that their morals, dictated to them from an archaic book, will cease to exist, and will be replaced by the morality of human will to just be good to their fellow man, and religion will no longer paralyze the masses and hold control. Their need for control is almost incessant. They need the money to continue to indoctrinate, and get more money. God seems bent on keeping the masses down and the money flowing. Heaven seems to need blood and gold most of all.

The lie we were sold and the indoctrination was unjustified. It was perpetuated by people who were beaten, and forced not to think, or to question. People who, through fear, only came to know more religion and quietly king to it, or face the oppression of religion from reality. It is a useless form of bribery to promise people what you can never be sure is delivered. Since no one can verify that they have seen heaven, and angel or god, or can even verify the validity of the archaic book it stems from, why buy into the lie? Why believe that without your brain, and your senses you could surpass humanity by doing things we know to belong to only the senses and that is enjoy such elaborate things as heaven promises. Instead rest assured that out time here is limited, and for all the good, and bead, the mistakes, and the tears, and laughter, this is our one trip around the sun, in the same direction ending in our death. There is nothing more to be gained or promised. Nothing but the frail humanity we hold so fragile in our hands.

The Profound Moments Of Life.

There is scarcely a day that goes by when I don’t analyze everything in my world. One thing I have often been accused of is being over analytical. If I am, then it shows how I am not satiated with the mundane and perhaps trivial parts of life. I am not one to indulge in Real TV or drivel which I see as washing the mind of intellect. I never have been. My mind often wanders to the case of humanity, the nature of its existence, how it is like a unrehearsed ballet. We all seem to be dancing at our own pace, some of us unaware that the world is dancing around them, and some of us watching from the seats inclined to study the behavior of those around us.

It often comes to my mind, dauntingly at times, that I am nothing more above any other human, just a different twist on an old attempt at a litterary artisan. I scarcely believe my self more than able to put words, sometimes eloquently, on a page and help the world see life through my eyes. What I see is sometimes quite morose, profound, and perplexing. When you fist realize these billions of other human lives factor into yours only during intervals of short interaction, and then a fleeting moment later escape to never be seen again, it is one of those times.

Discovering my analytical nature, my sexual nature, and more finding what makes me, me as defined by others have all been some of the most profound and startling moments. But discovering the me behind the mask has been of all moments in life a steady journey, as well as the most profound. I often look at my behavior, seeking to further understand what drives me, what defines me. Recently reading Sex and God I realized, part of me may have been nothing more than a shuffle of the dice. The random genetic shuffle that defined who I would ultimately become. Though I know where those genetics come from, or presume to know, I am often shocked by what i discover in the difference in the providers of those genes and myself.

My mother had all of the makings of being a writer, something I found had been hidden for many years. She had boxes and boxes of typed out papers, and to this day I have no clue what all is on them. She kept them from us in the attic of our home. It was only on cleaning did I discover this secret. This was long after I had been inspired to write poetry, thoughts and sometimes take to journaling. Much of what I wrote was cryptic, in case it was discovered. Some of it was more intimate than most people will ever become with me in my lifetime. This is one of the few attributes I share in common with this woman who gave me life. Though it may be one that would leave you shaking your head, it was a discovery I had to make by error, not by sharing details. My mother and I have had few heart to heart discussions to this day, and I doubt that in her latter years she will begin, but whom can say for sure.

My father gave me his love for nature, and his curiosity for dinosaurs. Beyond that I am my own person. We have had many deep discussions, many of them my drilling inquiries into what my father believed and why. My mother on the other hand was not open to questioning, without it likely turning into something where a smack in the mouth was assured. So I never questioned her. But my father let me think, and explore content to see his daughter had thoughts bigger than herself. I was content to have someone to reverberate my thoughts upon. My sisters didn’t spend their time this deep in thought, and mostly I bothered them, or just bored them practically to tears, as I still do.

My two sisters, which was all I had to grow up with, were anything but like me. My oldest was three years elder than I, and I often seemed to pester her. She was brutal to a point that enraged me. I was her play thing, and so were tiny animals, and she was far from gentle and kind with them. Her disposition with them and I often left us not speaking, or worse fighting. She was mischievous and often liked to lay the blame squarely on me, resulting in yet another beating at the hands of my mother. I don’t believe beatings did me any good, because the more she did it the more I hid from her, and eluded her knowing what I was up to. It led to my mother and I having shared a home, but not shared anything nurturing.

My youngest sister was the baby of the family, and I can’t say I treated her well always, but I didn’t beat on her as my oldest sister did to me, and more importantly I would protect her, as I often did. Make no mistake I was a bit misbehaved with her. Often joking about animal innards at the dinner table, or telling her that we had been abandoned by our mother and she was not returning. As we got older though, I left being so torturous to her, and became an older sister. Though my mother once remarked that we were like complete opposites, we got on well.

For years though I thought something in me was especially broken. I am often bored with life, and dream of tales. I have tried and done very well at creative writing. It is one area where I can succeed without ever trying. It seems I am more complex than my sisters. I would not give it any other term. They are content not having hobbies, being stirred by traveling, life and exploration. I differ vastly there, and often find myself longing for some new adventure. While they are content with knowing what they know, I am never sure of anything.

This is where discovering who I am comes into play. Something at the core of my being won’t let me relent to sit idly by as life passes me. I don’t feel the need to stay with a man, just because. I feel more caged being married than if I were in an actual cage, and jealousy is to me absolutely repulsive. I am driven to challenge myself and my life. Even my behavior, speaking patterns, and desires vastly differ. I could scarcely believe that I was part of this family had I not all the memories of being there with them.

I used to think this was a flaw in me. That somehow I didn’t turn out right, and because something was wrong with me I had turned out so different. Now I can look back and see, that I was the girl I was and nothing could have corrected that. Especially my mothers volatile attempts to dissuade me from being wild and beyond her control. I was a genius at escaping her, hiding, and eluding her scorn for my behavior. My mother and father still look upon me with love, but a complete lack of understanding of the child they somehow reared to adulthood. I turned out as anti religious as my mother is religious. I am as rebellious as my father is sedate in his life. My sister finds me perplexing, and unsettled. My oldest sister doesn’t attempt to understand or interact with me.

In my frail biosphere where I often get to reach beyond my means and interact with others who seem a proportion more similar I find more strength. Were I left to nothing more than my family, I would surely be depressed and distressed, as I had been by religion. Which for me was nothing more than a mental chain. The feeling of guilt for not wanting to be the happy home making woman who felt her duty was cooking and cleaning, and being submissive to her man. Or owner and proprietor if you will. Instead I was rebellious to a flaw. Outraged by men who would hold me in contempt with their jealous nature. Headstrong and fiery, and longing for the road and travel. I was the fire no man could tame, and to this day remain blissfully so. A feminist who often ridiculed religion, and steadfastly mocked my own doctrine for telling me that I was to be virginal, and submissive, I also mocked other religions equally. Once going as far as to take a Mexican song about the Virgin Guadalupe, which was supposed to be Mary who appeared to Mexicans as the form of a brown Mexican woman. So they sing the song, “The Virgin of Guadalupe” where she is supposed to have appeared. After this they accepted Catholicism. I, being the mocker of religion, even as a religious girl sang, “The Virgin Of Guada-Rachel.” Which my boyfriend at the time found rather offensive. I found his offense rather hilarious.

Leaving religion has been a long daunting chore. It is a hard road to walk, and so I am thankful for the support from places like Recovering From Religion, American Atheists, Foundation Beyond Belief, American Humanist Association, and so many more. I have done much of the work of accepting that I can’t live a lie, no matter what part of my life it falls in, and mostly am repairing the damage done, both mentally and in my personal life.  It has been a bit tedious, and stressful to say the least, but I would be lying if I said that the love around me did not keep me strong. I have also had to accept that love as it is, and not as I wish it were. While I am rediscovering who I was before religion poisoned my life, it has been profound to discover that I am fine how I am. Though I am not perfect, I am not now, nor will I ever be anything like religion told me I should be. I am however, free to be myself, and love myself as I am. For what that is worth, if you are recovering from religion, I empathize with you. I know where you stand, I have stood there too. I know how you feel, I have probably had many of the same emotions. Most of all, for what it is worth, you are not alone. We are all here for you, and many people know what it is like to be recovering from religion, and that in itself is pretty profound too.