Rachel Johnson

Atheist Blogger- the godlessvagina / Podcaster the pink atheist


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I’m Bleeding Humanity All Over The Place.

I have been called everything from cold bitch, to heartless. I have been ridiculed for everything from my intellect, to my womanhood. I often wonder would the case be the same if I had been born a male. Then, would I have even cared to be me at all. Most people think they know the me that my friends get to cherish. The me who would dare to give my life’s blood for them, cry with them, and step into the muck with them. No, I dare to say you don’t know me at all. Inside most of the time I am frail, and weak. Weak for the cause of humanity.

Wise men have seen, as I see, the desperation of the human cause. The sheer need to defend it from its self, and for its self. I once believed we were all children of the same god, I can now see we are children of the wild animals we evolved from, and much as we deny our uncivilized nature, we tend to act unquestionably upon it. I pity our somber existence. Our need for gods, to bow like sheep before a raging monster, to twist him and form him into something we can love. All the while watching as men live in fear of ever breath they take. Living with madness coursing through their veins hating the very humanity that makes them who they are.

I have grown wearie at times thinking of man, his plagues he places upon others. The fighting, the hate, the fear, the rape, the murder. One more life snuffed out in a fit of rage. One more suffering at the hands of merciless and cruel people with no regard for life. When will the bitterness end? How much more can we take? Why must we do nothing about change and expect it to come?

I feel for the poor, the suffering, the victims of abuse, rape, violence. I know the world can’t be perfect, but must it be this chaotic? Must we deny others the right to the same happiness, and harmony that we would grant ourselves? It will always be denied inside the bonds and chains of religion. While religion is not the only source of evil in the world, it is the most predominant, it is the most infectious. There are times when I hang my head and say to my self, being born was more a burden than a blessing.

That is because for the life of me I can’t ignore human suffering. For all that I am, I can’t walk away from horrible things depressed and saddened. I bleed my humanity all over the place. I always have. Sometimes I wish it would just stop. Stop all of the feelings that make me say, why again do you harm each other, ignore each other, what mercilessness the human brain can contrive. I wonder, do many people feel this for each other, or is it just me so buried under the burden to fix humanity.

I would rather spend most of my life in learning than in fighting, but it seems there is always someone ready to fight. Fight over their ideal of reality, based on nothing but a delusion of what they wish they had, could be, or how they want people to believe their version of everything, which is based on utter garbage, and holds no truth or value.

I look at the world around me and think with a bitter heart, when will you stop the brutality. When will you care? Why does it become so easy to forget? People spend more time tearing each other apart than putting them back together. Why is it the moment you can’t agree with someone, then it is time to attack them personally?

I have even faced this from atheists. As of lately in fact. One who wouldn’t listen to me went so far as to call me a bitch without actually writing it. After I had the courtesy to never call him anything. After many attempts by me to explain things. And why dare you to ask would he do such a thing, because I pointed out the obvious. Look it is your delusion and if you want to live in it atheist or not, fine then have at it.

I have learned to see something bad for you from the onset. I know that abusers tend to stay abusers, and users tend to stay users. I won’t agree to be part of something that lowers me to the level of of second rate or accomplice to abuse, or basically asks me to be silent and forgo what I know about being a good human for anyone.

If only you knew, knew the conversations I have had. Ones where your heart would break in two, ones where you just have nothing you can say to help, and words which will comfort. I really don’t care to betray the secrets I hold quietly. I really have no taste for seeing suffering. I hold nothing but contempt for certain people.

I was repulsed to find that in my own family there is a person abusing another adult. One who is slow, and lacks every bit of education and opportunity that could be offered. That the abuser will just beat them for anything that goes wrong in their world. It made me want to vomit, and it still does. How, how do I deal with what I see?

One of my best friends lost her brother to a tumor, seeing her status of pain put me in pain.

Those are not even secrets.

But I wonder, can’t we do better than this?

Does religion have to poison the world? Do we have to be cruel to other humans? Do we think that being weak means we can never be strong? I ask you because for the moment I am all out of answers. What I am is saddened by the human condition. The only thing that cheers me is knowing there are hearts out there that are more precious than gold.

It may be easy to be unkind to a stranger, or treat someone in your life as unwanted and unwelcome, but then I ask you why is it so?

 

 

 

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The Profound Moments Of Life.

There is scarcely a day that goes by when I don’t analyze everything in my world. One thing I have often been accused of is being over analytical. If I am, then it shows how I am not satiated with the mundane and perhaps trivial parts of life. I am not one to indulge in Real TV or drivel which I see as washing the mind of intellect. I never have been. My mind often wanders to the case of humanity, the nature of its existence, how it is like a unrehearsed ballet. We all seem to be dancing at our own pace, some of us unaware that the world is dancing around them, and some of us watching from the seats inclined to study the behavior of those around us.

It often comes to my mind, dauntingly at times, that I am nothing more above any other human, just a different twist on an old attempt at a litterary artisan. I scarcely believe my self more than able to put words, sometimes eloquently, on a page and help the world see life through my eyes. What I see is sometimes quite morose, profound, and perplexing. When you fist realize these billions of other human lives factor into yours only during intervals of short interaction, and then a fleeting moment later escape to never be seen again, it is one of those times.

Discovering my analytical nature, my sexual nature, and more finding what makes me, me as defined by others have all been some of the most profound and startling moments. But discovering the me behind the mask has been of all moments in life a steady journey, as well as the most profound. I often look at my behavior, seeking to further understand what drives me, what defines me. Recently reading Sex and God I realized, part of me may have been nothing more than a shuffle of the dice. The random genetic shuffle that defined who I would ultimately become. Though I know where those genetics come from, or presume to know, I am often shocked by what i discover in the difference in the providers of those genes and myself.

My mother had all of the makings of being a writer, something I found had been hidden for many years. She had boxes and boxes of typed out papers, and to this day I have no clue what all is on them. She kept them from us in the attic of our home. It was only on cleaning did I discover this secret. This was long after I had been inspired to write poetry, thoughts and sometimes take to journaling. Much of what I wrote was cryptic, in case it was discovered. Some of it was more intimate than most people will ever become with me in my lifetime. This is one of the few attributes I share in common with this woman who gave me life. Though it may be one that would leave you shaking your head, it was a discovery I had to make by error, not by sharing details. My mother and I have had few heart to heart discussions to this day, and I doubt that in her latter years she will begin, but whom can say for sure.

My father gave me his love for nature, and his curiosity for dinosaurs. Beyond that I am my own person. We have had many deep discussions, many of them my drilling inquiries into what my father believed and why. My mother on the other hand was not open to questioning, without it likely turning into something where a smack in the mouth was assured. So I never questioned her. But my father let me think, and explore content to see his daughter had thoughts bigger than herself. I was content to have someone to reverberate my thoughts upon. My sisters didn’t spend their time this deep in thought, and mostly I bothered them, or just bored them practically to tears, as I still do.

My two sisters, which was all I had to grow up with, were anything but like me. My oldest was three years elder than I, and I often seemed to pester her. She was brutal to a point that enraged me. I was her play thing, and so were tiny animals, and she was far from gentle and kind with them. Her disposition with them and I often left us not speaking, or worse fighting. She was mischievous and often liked to lay the blame squarely on me, resulting in yet another beating at the hands of my mother. I don’t believe beatings did me any good, because the more she did it the more I hid from her, and eluded her knowing what I was up to. It led to my mother and I having shared a home, but not shared anything nurturing.

My youngest sister was the baby of the family, and I can’t say I treated her well always, but I didn’t beat on her as my oldest sister did to me, and more importantly I would protect her, as I often did. Make no mistake I was a bit misbehaved with her. Often joking about animal innards at the dinner table, or telling her that we had been abandoned by our mother and she was not returning. As we got older though, I left being so torturous to her, and became an older sister. Though my mother once remarked that we were like complete opposites, we got on well.

For years though I thought something in me was especially broken. I am often bored with life, and dream of tales. I have tried and done very well at creative writing. It is one area where I can succeed without ever trying. It seems I am more complex than my sisters. I would not give it any other term. They are content not having hobbies, being stirred by traveling, life and exploration. I differ vastly there, and often find myself longing for some new adventure. While they are content with knowing what they know, I am never sure of anything.

This is where discovering who I am comes into play. Something at the core of my being won’t let me relent to sit idly by as life passes me. I don’t feel the need to stay with a man, just because. I feel more caged being married than if I were in an actual cage, and jealousy is to me absolutely repulsive. I am driven to challenge myself and my life. Even my behavior, speaking patterns, and desires vastly differ. I could scarcely believe that I was part of this family had I not all the memories of being there with them.

I used to think this was a flaw in me. That somehow I didn’t turn out right, and because something was wrong with me I had turned out so different. Now I can look back and see, that I was the girl I was and nothing could have corrected that. Especially my mothers volatile attempts to dissuade me from being wild and beyond her control. I was a genius at escaping her, hiding, and eluding her scorn for my behavior. My mother and father still look upon me with love, but a complete lack of understanding of the child they somehow reared to adulthood. I turned out as anti religious as my mother is religious. I am as rebellious as my father is sedate in his life. My sister finds me perplexing, and unsettled. My oldest sister doesn’t attempt to understand or interact with me.

In my frail biosphere where I often get to reach beyond my means and interact with others who seem a proportion more similar I find more strength. Were I left to nothing more than my family, I would surely be depressed and distressed, as I had been by religion. Which for me was nothing more than a mental chain. The feeling of guilt for not wanting to be the happy home making woman who felt her duty was cooking and cleaning, and being submissive to her man. Or owner and proprietor if you will. Instead I was rebellious to a flaw. Outraged by men who would hold me in contempt with their jealous nature. Headstrong and fiery, and longing for the road and travel. I was the fire no man could tame, and to this day remain blissfully so. A feminist who often ridiculed religion, and steadfastly mocked my own doctrine for telling me that I was to be virginal, and submissive, I also mocked other religions equally. Once going as far as to take a Mexican song about the Virgin Guadalupe, which was supposed to be Mary who appeared to Mexicans as the form of a brown Mexican woman. So they sing the song, “The Virgin of Guadalupe” where she is supposed to have appeared. After this they accepted Catholicism. I, being the mocker of religion, even as a religious girl sang, “The Virgin Of Guada-Rachel.” Which my boyfriend at the time found rather offensive. I found his offense rather hilarious.

Leaving religion has been a long daunting chore. It is a hard road to walk, and so I am thankful for the support from places like Recovering From Religion, American Atheists, Foundation Beyond Belief, American Humanist Association, and so many more. I have done much of the work of accepting that I can’t live a lie, no matter what part of my life it falls in, and mostly am repairing the damage done, both mentally and in my personal life.  It has been a bit tedious, and stressful to say the least, but I would be lying if I said that the love around me did not keep me strong. I have also had to accept that love as it is, and not as I wish it were. While I am rediscovering who I was before religion poisoned my life, it has been profound to discover that I am fine how I am. Though I am not perfect, I am not now, nor will I ever be anything like religion told me I should be. I am however, free to be myself, and love myself as I am. For what that is worth, if you are recovering from religion, I empathize with you. I know where you stand, I have stood there too. I know how you feel, I have probably had many of the same emotions. Most of all, for what it is worth, you are not alone. We are all here for you, and many people know what it is like to be recovering from religion, and that in itself is pretty profound too.

 


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In Bed With Dogma. How Religion Controls Us.

Since I left religion it has been a daunting task to find all of the areas where religion has crept in, and taken from me the unique person that I could have been based on factors that I could never have controlled. Society as a whole has had a lot more to say about my sexual person than even I could. After reading the book Sex and God By Darrel Ray, I realize what a profound impact has been made by society as a whole. The demonizing of sex, the degradation of women, their bodies, and human sexuality, had not escaped me, but I had not looked deep enough. Based on information in the book, I found I am a 6.6. If you want to know what this means, then give it a read.

What I do know is that now, I have to look at the real me and how I have lived in fear of what people think of my sexual self, and how that has negatively impacted my life. Make no mistake here, it has. Even knowing the reality behind me, I wonder what people will think of me if I start acting and behaving in what my true sexual nature is. I am sure that most people in my life have already figured it out. I was the one being blinded by the dogma covering my eyes, even after I had dumped religion.

I have every care about people who are gay. I have asked my self, looked at the evidence for it and know that simply I am not gay, but what if I was? I would simply embrace it. With all that I am, I would be glad to just be having the sex I want with the people I chose to and love the people that nature and my choices made for me to love. So what if I was bi sexual, or poly amorous, or just wanted various anonymous partners? Well I would hope that I was courageous enough to do the same. I would be too, but here I am on the cusp of figuring out who I am and what I want. Religion made me think the choice was easy. Monogamy and fidelity in a heterosexual relationship. You might say, “Well you are no longer religious so it doesn’t matter.” But then I know it is wired in my mind.

While I read the book on Sex and God my mind was busy at work pushing up old agendas. Telling me how my training taught me to be. Reassuring me that the direct line between me and sex had always worked, but it hadn’t. It has made me miserable. Marriage to me is like a prison, at least at this point in my life. I don’t want to be the happy home maker, pop out babies, and cook as my life fades to black. I don’t want to be chained to a man who thinks sex is five min of grunting and grinding until orgasm happens and then he rolls over and goes to sleep. That would sicken me. I also don’t want to have to live my life condemning myself for the desires I have and things I want.

So what do I want? Well I am still working on that. But after the book I know I can get to work. It is going to be hard to face what I have been hiding from myself, and here is not the arena to open everything and expose the raw nerve, but it has been exposed. Now I have to figure out how to do the rewiring. How to let go of the past and embrace the future. I never realized how deep religion had gotten, and how I used the thoughts stemming from my training to punish myself.

I always looked at my sisters and wondered why they could have marriages, and long term relationships, and I never seemed to put it together. My needs seemed to be far from them. I was not settled, and often after some time found myself bored and wanting to try something new or different, because if not I would become depressed with what I had. Always being in some sedate relationship made me depressed, and hate the fact that I was in and badly wanted out.  Someone who can’t stimulate me mentally or physically is can’t hold my interest. Even smart men are great, but not if they can’t have good sex.

I always thought I was being a selfish jerk, wanting to have my cake and eat it too. A man that was smart and good in bed, willing to try new things, and make love like there is no tomorrow. I thought that I was bad for being bored, or me. Religion put a map in my head. One that is wired into so many parts of my thoughts. I was always taught men were the head of the house, but I could never see me being anything less than the equal in the house. I was taught that women were not to be highly sexual beings, but restrained, and virginal. I quickly discovered that it was not me, and I wanted nothing to do with that behavior. Though I know I am not the highest level of risk taker. I am in the middle. 6.6, still higher than some would score. (It is in the book Sex and God.)

I now have to face the information given to me by Dr. Ray. I have to face the years of guilt and self blame, doubt, and most of all rethink me. After reading the book I realize I am not a monster, or a bad person for wanting and needing what I want and need. I am a simple biological being, being me. I can’t play by the rules I never made for myself, and I can’t be forced to be what I am not. Instead I have to have a long hard look at who I am with nothing from anyone outside, and get to know the me that will lead me to happiness, and it is going to take a journey. One that began when I had to face the fact religion had stolen that control from me too. Now it is time to take it back.

So my dear readers I suggest two things….1. Get the book and read it. Set your self free. 2. Even if you think you are open minded about sex, go through the map in your brain and really assess what is yours and what was given to you by dogma. I have seen even atheists be judgmental of each other.

 


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A Hitch in Time: Dealing With The Religious.

It is beyond sadistic to allude to god being the saving grace for school children gunned down by a mad man, who obviously illustrated his contempt for life when slaughtering 20 children and 6 adults. What kind of sadist believes that their god, their particular brand of religion is the salvation of children, and without it their god can idly watch as they are murdered in cold blood? Are we to believe that their religion, their practice, is the one that would have kept them safe? How dare people assert such a cold, heartless, and menacing ideal. Placing the burden on the families and people of the town for the brutal murders, which could have not been prevented without some form of clairvoyance.

Coming out to say that their god was not allowed in the school and so the murders took place is pathetic. But the worst part is what they really mean to say. That because they did not have unlimited access to kids in a public school, to brain wash and indoctrinate them, they were murdered. It is abhorred to think that religious people can turn and point blame at anyone but the killer. This is the twisted maniacal side of religion. The side with us or burn, suffer, and die horribly mentality. The give us your kids and surrender them willingly mentality. It only shows the true nature of the religious right and their inability to empathize with anyone out side of their ignorant diseased minds. The sheer stupidity of these statements alone is baffling.

To place the blame on the broken hearted parents without even a bit of hesitation. Without thinking how much they are already suffering, and in pain. It only shows that truly religion is a source for toxic evil in the world. To think that one could go as far as to say because you did not willingly submit to our pedantic spiteful god you heaped this upon yourselves is the true evil. Religion has once again reminded us how hate filled, cruel and seething with rage it can be.

Turning the blame from the monster who so violently killed innocent people, and onto society as a whole for not choking down your brand of religion, for not bowing to your particular god, is the most haneus thing the religious have done this week. I can’t even go so far as to say this year, or century, because we all know that they are guilty of many crimes against humanity, every day. They are the source of evil in this world. You have to go no further than the closest religious leader to see how outrageous, how outlandish their claims are. The church does not take blame for thousands of molested children, ones who were beaten, millions of deaths, and then are quick to throw blame at everyone else.

These are the same leaders who just a few months ago were stripping women of their rights, helping to pass laws in Africa calling for the deaths of gays. They are the same bunch of evil monsters who promote not using condoms as a way to prevent Aids. It is disturbing and sickening to see. They have no love for humanity, they only have love for their blood thirsty god figure, and want to bend every knee in front of him, even by force. Even at the expense of blaming these families and society for something that no one could have been prepared for.

It is time to take religion out of society, and put it back in the dark annals of history. This siege of our nation by guilt and pain, by blaming victims and spreading the plagued diseased face of religion has got to stop. Religion has had its way with out society. It has abused, sodomized, molested, raped, murdered, enslaved humanity for too long, and I grow weary of seeing the effects of their diseased minds. We need to break the shackles of religion, not one by one, but in mass numbers. When they blame children for their own murders it is time to put a dead stop to them and fight against the madness that they pretend is the serenity of knowing their demonic god figure, and I am tired of playing imaginary friends with the lot of them. We can no longer let religion have its way in our society.


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Surviving Tragedy In America

Days like yesterday make you want to lock the doors, crawl in bed, and never look out at the chaos that can exist on our world. It is maddening, heartbreaking, and terrifying to see incidents like the one that took place. 20 Small children and 6 adults lost their lives, and now everyone is trying to make sense of senseless violence. So how do we survive such a tragedy, and what can we do to prevent it?

The fact is, it will happen. We will face this, and as our nation delves into turmoil over job loss, home loss, healthcare loss, and many more social issues we will see more eruptions. It is hard to say what went wrong in the head of the man who took out his rage on defenseless children and school officials, and even harder to say to children.

Many parents are afraid to send their kids back to school. Many are worried about how, and when it will happen again.  I wish I had news that it won’t, but I would be lying. So what I will say is a few things we all need to hear.

I am not one to tell others how to raise their kids. I have my own son, have made my own mistakes, have had my nights of tears, and have faced all the things many parents know well. I have a few insights into what it is to be a single mother. I know the struggles of making just enough money to survive and barely enough to go beyond that. I don’t often talk about him for many reasons. Ones I won’t go into here.

What I will say is that I have had to explain hard things to him, and did so in a way that was to the best of my ability. I have had to say there are bad people in this world, and there are good people. Not everyone is a bad person out to hurt others, and there are some really kind people on this planet. We can’t live in fear of bad things happening. It is not rational.

We have to make some sense of this world for our selves, and those who need us to make sense of it. In a big society there are bound to be a few bad people. But if you look, there are not that many bad people. What we see is the amount of harm one bad person can do if given the chance. The guns make it easier, but even taking all of them away would not make this world safe. I know there are many other ways that people can do large amounts of harm to many people. What we need to look at is why.

Our society is in a social structure change. We are seeing job losses, and new jobs where many people are not yet skilled enough for them. CEO’s getting extreme amounts of compensation for bankrupting businesses. Not enough health care being given, not enough social support and structure. Families are more spread out and not as close as they used to be. We can see that our new century brings many beautiful technologies, and many problems with it.

We still have people with mental illnesses not being diagnosed, or treated. We have thousands of homeless. Kids are bullied, and made to feel bad at school for not fitting in. We have some issues, not just some parts of society, but the majority of society. What we need is to start looking into what is ailing America. Not run and hide from it. We have had killers before this one. If you look back at Jesse James, Baby Face Nelson, Charles Manson, Jeffery Dhammer we can see there are a few in our society that just have no love for life, and no regrets in taking it.

It is especially hard when it is little children, because they have the hopes of bright futures, dreams to live, growing to go to dances, prom, first kisses, first loves. All of the things we would wish for any child, especially our own. So it hits us deeper in the core when it is little children who have yet to live. Especially those who still have little children, and you look into those tiny faces, and think, it could have been you, but I am glad it was not.

It is okay to have those feelings. It is okay to not want that to happen to your loved one. It is okay to be afraid, but not to let that stop you from living a normal life. The chances are better it won’t happen, than it will. You also have to teach your kids to be strong, smart, and hiding away won’t do that. Life is not fair or just. That is the way it is. Those children have devastated parents, siblings, grandparents, and loved ones who will be facing the hardest times of their lives in the next few days, and it won’t be okay for them. It may never be okay for them again. It is sad to say, but loosing a child can destroy a person.

We don’t have any guarantee on our lives. Anything can and does happen. We always just live on and hope for the best. One thing we can and should do is support each other, stand by friends and neighbors. Help those in need, and support equality and rights for everyone. Once we start seeing other people as real human beings, and not just a stranger, we can learn to work together to make our kids, and society safe. But it will not prevent tragedy from happening.

We can talk about guns, mental health care, and bullying, but that may not stop things like this from happening. We do need to have those conversations though. But we do not need to overreact. We have to think about the world we want our kids to grow in and know. We need to make this life a place that is good for them as long as we have them. We need to help them grow to be good people, smart, and healthy minded, and pay attention to what is going on with them, and that means honest and open discussions, age appropriate of course.

There were hero’s in that school. Teachers who locked doors, and read to the children, even though they knew what was happening. Teachers who put their lives on the line for their students. They were the hero’s, the underpaid, badly treated, overworked hero’s that were there when it came to keeping kids safe. Lets not forget that.

I know it is heart breaking. It is awful, and we should be angry, but lets not forget to be strong. We have to raise a generation of kids who will be the next line of hero’s. We are America and one thing 9/11 did was show us how strong we can be. There will be talks in the next few days. News reports, and pictures. There will be families torn apart. What we need to do is start to heal them, and open the conversations about what we can do. No amount of police, or military in schools will prevent this. What we need is to fix the issues in our society that are causing these horrible things to continue. We need to be strong, and lean on each other. Remember what loved ones are for, and forgive.

Many people ask me how I deal with my family, since they are often pushing at me about being an atheist. Since they are nothing like me. My secret is that I know that they don’t know any better, and I forgive them because it must be hard to live in such ignorance of life and reality. I also know that no matter how wrong they are, I love them, and hate and anger would only consume me. I pick my battles, and you should too. Making this world a better place begins with the love you have to give, and seeing people as imperfect flawed, messy, sometimes ignorant, hate filled people they are, and being strong enough to love them any way. Because at the end of the day, with all that hate in their heart, you have to ask how much they really love themselves.

We are atheists, we know how to live without the myth, but part of the myth we hold is being perfect, and none of us are. We are just messy humans, in a messy biological world trying to survive and help others to do the same. I know we can survive this and anything. We just have to start talking about what is wrong, and work to make it right.


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A Highly Flawed Cosmological Arguement.

The argument from design. The cosmological argument, one where we have to believe because of the parameters of the finite universe in which we live had to be set into motion by a designer with a specific design, and that explains the rules of our universe.

Well, needless to say it is the cart before the horse argument. Humanity has a way of making everything about them. You can look on any ant hill and note that they are not busy making the world fit their ideas of how they want to believe it is, instead they are busy living. Humanity with our conscious minds, however, often contemplate that there must be a reason for everything, including reason. This narrow selfish point of view undermines the awe inspiring events that took place for us to be here.

There was nothing, and then bang, there was something, and then everything.

Well there was a bang, and then there was something. What we can’t say, without sounding a bit pathetic here, is that we know for a fact there was nothing before the bang. That is to say that we have an exclusive report on what did or didn’t exist before this universe. What we do know is that the laws of physics neither change for creationists nor atheists. We are evolved creatures, evolved to the circumstances of one, only one planet. We have evolved within the necessary parameters of our existence. The fact that we are conscious enough to know there is a universe out there is in its self an amazing thing. Saying that this was the plan and the design of a designer gives credit to extraordinary claims that simply cannot be proven.

The fact is there could have been prior universes, or at the edge of where we can ever think to imagine there are other things at play, that we have yet to evolve far enough to understand. No, I would not call that or anything god, that gives too much credit to something that can’t be verified.We don’t even know the full scope of our universe, and even the most brilliant minds on earth have to spend every day working hard to understand what is the reality, or our perception of the reality of the universe. It is hard to work in a determined skew when you learn every day that everything you think you know is not what you know at all, but a limited perception placed upon us by the nature and magnitude of our evolution.

We still may have to evolve the brains and concepts to understand. Which may be why Newton couldn’t get his physics to work on the macro, or micro of the cosmos, and why Einstein had to create the theory of special relativity to fix Newton’s. As we go though, we learn there are particles in particles in particles, and on. What we might find is that all the time we thought we understood the universe, we were too young and immature in our evolution to grasp the overwhelming reality. Just like when men learned to look into telescopes and see the stars, we have been flung forward by discovering everything we knew about the physical nature of this universe is not what we thought. But that does not make it designed. When we make products, there are often bi-products, which are not wanted or intended. The universe was right for it to exist, and then it existed.

The make up of the universe was such that we could exist. We would not exist if gravity was 1 x 10 ^40 power different. The fact is nothing would, but we got lucky and nothing didn’t happen to us. In all of this universe and vast space it seems a bit arrogant to believe that it was made just for tiny tribes of humans. It is far easier to believe that it happened and set into motion the possibility for us to be here.

The distance from the sun, the planet, they must be designed!!

Roll the dice an infinite amount of times and you will get snake eyes. I see this the opposite way, with all the conditions that could have been, and how the universe is, it is amazing, or would be, if it didn’t happen more times. I would be shocked if one day scientists claimed that in the vastness of the universe there was only us. Why? Simple, this universe is full of possible circumstances for life. There is carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, water, methane, and all other elements. Not every life may be based equally on the things we are, but if it can happen once, twice, it can happen over and over. It is hard to see this universe as anything less than a living body of possibilities. With everything we have found to structure life, it actually seems simple to get it going. The rules of our universe are clear, things go from low entropy to high. What that means is that things are gathering, compressing, constructing into new forms in the whole of the universe, and will one day break back down. If our universe went from high to low then nothing would be possible.

As for design, any book on the various species in this world can tell you that evolution has tried everything, and any look into the universe would show you the laws of physics are busy trying everything. If this was a design, then the designer is neither sure of his creation, nor satisfied with the end result of his design. The universe is still expanding. Stars are coming into existence and others are dying. In a universe made just for one species which doesn’t even qualify as a micro organism, the designer must like to put on a show, or play with space. Which seems rather petty to play house with one species and regulate everything for them while creating random chaos around them. It is another claim which is extraordinary and has no proof. There is no way to verify how this planet got on this course, or that we are the only one with this exact chemical, physical, elemental make up.

The cosmological design concept goes, that all of the factors had to be right for us to be here. There must have been a designer. Well all of the right factors had to exist, because when they don’t neither do universes. It is hard to say that something is designed when by your own argument we had just as good of a chance of not being here. In fact if you wanted to thank your designer, then maybe you should question if he could have gotten it right on the first try. Then look at the math, then learn all of the equations which exist for this universe to, and ask your self how your god could have come across the right equation the first time. If your god doesn’t have to use physics to design the universe, then physics would not have to work in the universe. If your god did not have to get it right, then it would not have to be right for us to exist.

All of the arguments the theists use to say we are wrong can equally be used against them. The rules to the universe exist for a reason. They had to, so we could. I don’t see design in that. I see a universe filled with chaos and entropy which has no investment in our existence or safety. I see a world that is the same. It is easy to look at this precious orb, and think how perfect it looks, how silent and majestic. Look a little closer at the struggle for life, existence, extinction, death, dying decay, and know that our arrogance has placed us as gods in our world and universe, when what we really are is microbes in the cosmos floating on a speck of dust clinging to existence.


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Thank The Bible For Making Me An Atheist.

Surprisingly my atheism was not a life long affair. It was through reading and critical thinking that I became the very atheist I am today. Perhaps I was indoctrinated too late, or I just wasn’t settled in the religion I was given, or maybe it was all of the contradictory ideas in the bible. Now you may have read a lot of the arguments about why the bible isn’t true, but this time I am going to fill in some cracks that have been left untapped. They might seem minute to many people. But creeks are rivers when you are small, and I would not be who I am today if I had first not seen these small cracks, which led me to finding the bigger ones.

Unlike many people who try and religiously criticize me, I have read the bible. Enough to know that I can pick out parts of it that would turn your stomach. The whole of the bible is a curious mess. It goes from creation, to floods, from food, to murder and rape. It takes juts and spikes in form. There is no complete sense to be made of the bible. If you read it cover to cover you will see it is not so much a history book, as badly written novel.

At a very early age I began to question my father about the bible. We would have regular conversations. My mind was always curious about real life versus what the bible said. One of my favorite things, as so many people know, is Dinosaurs. They always have been since my dad bought me my first T-Rex model to put together. He was large, and green, and his mouth was filled with long sharp teeth. He had short arms and only a couple of fingers. His back legs were massive, and this biped was the most fierce Dinosaur known to date. I was awe struck. We put it together, and every weekend after that he got me another type of Dinosaur to assemble. Soon I had an entire collection. I had a Stegosaurus, Pterodactyl, Brachiosaurus, and others that I made a whole Jurassic world out of. One of my special treasures my dad brought home to me was petrified wood. It made my little dino world complete.

It also sparked the question to my dad, why are the Dinosaurs not in the bible? This conversation happened a lot. I never bought the idea that humans and Dinosaurs could have lived together. My dad explained that the bible talks about there being giants in those days. Unless David fought Goliath the T-Rex though, it didn’t seem plausible.

Speaking of giants, though, that was another thing we never found evidence for. I wondered how there could be giant people, or demons could have sex with mortal women, and create them, but there are no giants today. In fact there has never been a giant human fossil found. Though there are many photo shopped pictures of them. It is one of those stories that didn’t quite fit in the bible. How would one rock kill a giant man, even with the perfect shot, and what had he really done? He was supposed to be evil by birthright, and in what deeds, well I sure don’t know. One thing is certain there is no evidence for this giant man. There is no evidence David wasn’t the real monster. After all it seemed that they hated Goliath over land and just because of who he was.

So this left two holes in the biblical story of history. Ones that I could never quite buy, even as a young girl. The next one was a tale from the bible about what lied beyond the garden of Eden. The bible claimed that in each of the four prongs of the Nile river, god had placed certain gems, or precious metals. My father having a degree in forestry had many books on various species, and on minerals as well. I often picked them up and spent hours leafing through them. Now, it may be true that the precious gems and metals were found in the Nile, but they were found in other places as well. The descriptive nature of the books my father had told of how gems were created in the earth. It also explained how they were man made, almost to the same quality, but the difference is visible to the trained eye. To this day I can pick out a synthetic gem from a real one. That is because the book explained the amount of pressure needed to create specific gems, and why they looked like they do, not only when man made but natural made as well.

When I looked at the geological makeup of the world, one thing did not fit. How is it that the bible made it seem that there was  gold and gems in only certain areas, but somehow there were veins of them in other lands. Wouldn’t that mean that at one time all the lands had been connected? It fascinated me how this whole land, and any others where they were found were quite missing from the biblical story. What I did note was a pattern that seemed to follow pressure lines and volcanic activity, which was strange to me, since the bible credited god.

When it came to Noah and the flood, I was not as concerned about how the Dinosaurs did not make it on the boat, as I was the fact that god killed everyone on earth. Even the babies, and all the animals and plants. The biggest problem that I found with this story though, was the timing. How could it rain for 40 days and 40 nights covering the whole of the earth? Where did the water all come from? It made no sense for there to be enough water to cover the whole earth, and it can all dry up. The bible states, “God opened the flood gates of heaven.” So that must mean that there was enough water stored in the “sky” that could flood down and cover even the tallest mountain. Yet on a sunny day there was none of this to be found. Where did all the water go back to, and how was this even possible?

After the flood there would not have been trees for years, the salty water would have killed off all plant life and made it impossible for anything to grow, and the animals would have been starving, so would the humans have been, since there was only seven of each of the clean animals, and two of the unclean. Which meant that there would be nothing for everyone to eat for a long time. Also how would one family repopulate the whole earth, without large amounts of incest?

Even as a child I found the bible to be one contradiction after another. Most of the stories seemed a bit twisted, scary and downright impossible. Just as dragons living in the waters of the deep. Unicorns that had never been found. Dinosaurs that couldn’t be explained. Families that somehow were responsible for the whole human population, tribes that lived far from where the bible stated, giants which never seemed to be found, and a geological makeup that didn’t fit what we do know about the world.

What I now know as an adult is the scientific facts. But this is what a kid could do with their brain. Now imagine grown adults believing every word of the bible. That is a lot of thinking for one kid, and shows how little some people choose to think as adults. Weather it be for comfort reasons, or just indoctrination it shows that they must stop rationalizing. With a little evidence, some rational thinking, and curiosity a child can process thoughts which might seem childish to another adult, but are pretty complex for a kid. Why is it so profoundly hard for other adults to do the same thing. The bible is a lot of things, but it isn’t historical fact, though there is some history in it, and it is not a moral guide, because most of it is highly immoral.