I have spent literally years of my life wondering how it can be that some people get hurt over and over. I have scanned the data, read the science, and yet, I as a person fall for the trick over and over, but why? I have this horrible thing called optimism. Well, only part of it is horrible. Some parts of it have made me stronger than I could ever imagine. I just want to be of help to other people, so I am writing this, and also as a reminder for myself.
I give people chances, because I want love, but I am not a fool. I can usually pick out the ass in the room and walk away from them, but sometimes people are very good at hiding just how bad they are for you. How can you tell when they are?
- Everything is your fault, or worse they accept blame like you are victimizing them.
We are all wrong sometimes, looking back at my life I have been wrong a lot, and often, and it has cost me many important things, but no one was teaching me, so it was simple to make bad decisions, they were the only ones I could.
- They criticize you, first in small ways, and as time goes on it gets worse, until you feel like giving up.
Don’t give up, get out. If you have close friends, and I hope you do, they won’t try to hurt you with the truth, they will kindly guide you to it, or let you make your own mistake, because you are an adult. You don’t need parented, and anyone who acts like that is taking on a disturbing role. A mate should act like a mate, they should want to help you, care for you, and see you reach your goals with gladness. Your goals might be silly, or strange, or just insane, but hey some really insane people did some really great things, so who the hell is this person to discourage you from any of your goals.
- You are easy replaced.
That’s not just a threat, it is an actuality. Now let me explain,there are two and maybe more spectrums to this. One is you were never valued, the other is that there are actually healthy people in the world who could replace this ass hat and not spend time abusing you. The abusive person, however will replace you in the blink of an eye, why, because there is always someone they can manipulate, just be glad it is not you and move on. This is actually the hard part and the reason you are going to need a dose of love from some good friends. By the time you realize what they have done, they have sucked your time and probably some life out of you.
- Good people want to be helpful
Here is the saddest part, you probably don’t know the difference between a person in need and a greedy life sucking monster. The greedy life sucking monster just keeps needing, and the need hole is never filled. The person in need is different, because they will be glad when you help them, remember your help and in the future be kind enough to return the favor.
Let me share a story with you. In a recent relationship the need monster was all about themselves, they didn’t want me to travel, or have so many projects. My plans and goals had to come second to their plans and goals. I needed to focus more on them and their family and give up the things which mattered the most to them. , and most of all I was going to be a future burden to them if I wasn’t earning money so that they didn’t have to be responsible for my things.
Let a lesson here be, that if a person is trying their hardest to pretend they are moving the stars and earth to be with you, and that you are their everything, and that everything they do now and forever is for you, they are trying to fool you. They are dangerous, get away from them, and do it quickly before they vampire the life right out of you.