Rachel Johnson

Atheist Blogger- the godlessvagina / Podcaster the pink atheist

Oh, Sex is AWESOME and YES you should be having it!!

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One of the most daunting and frustrating things women face is what we think are signals from men. How do we know if they like us, they love us, they want us, or simply they are our friends. What should we be doing about sex, and what are the rules, or are there rules. Well ladies, and gentlemen, lets have a very brutally honest sex talk. This might help everyone involved. Mostly, this is a sexual map for girls who are confused, worried and thinking, or over thinking sex.

“We are not in a committed relationship but we promised each other not to do things with other people.”

Right there is your answer. You are not in a committed relationship. There is no in the middle, and the promise you made to not do anything with anyone else is not a contract. It does not hold up, and means that he wants his cake and eat it too. Now here is how you have yours. You are not obligated to hold up this deal. While it would be better to tell him that you need more or something else, you are under no obligation to stay with only him, especially when you have no clue if he is holding up his end, and no matter what he says you can never be sure. The best thing to doing this situation is to take control, be happy and get what you want. Don’t just sit and wait for him. Set boundaries, make him aware that you are not his sex toy, and demand to be respected for the independent woman you are.

“I want him to like me.”

I am a firm believer that a person will like you for who you are if they do, and if they don’t then there is not much that can be done about it. Chemistry is a fickle bitch. Sometimes we feel things others don’t. We can’t force them, and there is nothing that can be done to alter that.

Guys want girls that are not all over them, and they want you to relax. If you are not relaxed then they have to worry about all the drama, and most guys are not into the drama. So be fun, enjoy them and most of all enjoy you.  No amount of sitting by the phone, worrying or waiting will ever change the outcome of what you are hoping for. So go and live your life and be happy, and if he is interested, then he will do something. Now if you are mutually interested then you should both. If you text a guy and there is no answer, wait longer. If he never texts you, he is probably not interested. If he does text back great, but the best way to know how each other feels is face to face. Much is lost in the impersonal world of texts, they have no emotion and you have to assume from them.

“He has a girlfriend, should I feel bad for cheating with him, on her.”

I have strict rules about this. I have no guilt to show for someone who is cheating on their partner. See I would never do it, because when I am in a relationship I am secure, but if I caught them it would be done and over, it would also tell me a lot about how they didn’t feel for me. Some people are not monogamous even when in a relationship. In fact they are probably never monogamous. They get their kicks from knowing they can sleep with anyone they want, when they want, and how they want. If you happen to be the one they are looking at and you know they are with someone then there are two options. Hit it and quit it, or don’t. If you do don’t take the time to care, get invested, or become emotional. It won’t work, and that is not what they are looking for. If they are cheating, then they don’t care about the other person or honesty enough to say what they need or want, and most of all they don’t respect them.

Should you feel guilty for their behavior with you? Not really, let’s face it they would have cheated with someone, you just happen to be the one right now. If their other, partner is unaware because they chose not to be then there is not much you are going to change about the situation without making the person aware, and then you do become the bad person. We can’t tell other people what to do, so you shouldn’t try. When you are young it is good to learn about all the ways sex happens, shed the dogma of society and have fun. One of the things I recommend is knowing how cheating goes, and what people who cheat are really like. Once you are aware you can better decide if this is your future behavior or something you can do without. Experience helps, and there should be no guilt. If the person was serious, committed and in love, then they would not be putting themselves in that position.

“The sex is not that good.”

Well then say something or do something. Masturbation is not only for guys, it is for girls too. We should all be taking care of our bodies in a healthy sexual way. Wheather it be sex or masturbation. Use toys and learn about your sexual organs. Learn to stimulate and be stimulated. If one position does not work, try others. Most of all focus on the sex, or orgasm you want. Don’t expect someone else to know your body if you don’t. Use porn as needed and toys. Feel free to explore and experiment until you have had the orgasms and sex you want to be having.  I can’t say it enough, love your body, love it a lot. It is your body. Explore it and every part of it, until you are happy with it, and you realize that every imperfection is part of you and the beauty of you.

Healthy sex and love comes from many places. Loving yourself comes first. Never beg anyone to love you or care for you, or anything like that. Never feel like you are not good enough. Never let anyone make you feel like you are not good enough. Always rely on friends, and friends are the people who would never make you feel bad for who you are. They help you to see the smart beautiful person you are. They guide you to more happiness, and the show you kindness.

Anyone who wants to be in your life should see the value in you. They should be glad to be there, and treat you well. If they do not or if they treat you hurtful then you don’t need them in your life. Negative and harmful people are ones you should be glad to get rid of. It does not mean you have to be unkind. It means you can be the good person and let them go, without being as cruel as others can be. Sometimes it is the best thing that will ever happen to you. Most of all don’t be obsessed with the getting of love. Enjoy sex, and life as much as possible and when you are really ready and know what you want, then get that too.

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Author: Rachel Johnson

I am a writer about atheist issues. Separation of the church and state. Women and their right to choose, and sex. I talk about all of the "taboos" of modern life as well as evolution and science.

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