Rachel Johnson

Atheist Blogger- the godlessvagina / Podcaster the pink atheist

In Bed With Dogma. How Religion Controls Us.


Since I left religion it has been a daunting task to find all of the areas where religion has crept in, and taken from me the unique person that I could have been based on factors that I could never have controlled. Society as a whole has had a lot more to say about my sexual person than even I could. After reading the book Sex and God By Darrel Ray, I realize what a profound impact has been made by society as a whole. The demonizing of sex, the degradation of women, their bodies, and human sexuality, had not escaped me, but I had not looked deep enough. Based on information in the book, I found I am a 6.6. If you want to know what this means, then give it a read.

What I do know is that now, I have to look at the real me and how I have lived in fear of what people think of my sexual self, and how that has negatively impacted my life. Make no mistake here, it has. Even knowing the reality behind me, I wonder what people will think of me if I start acting and behaving in what my true sexual nature is. I am sure that most people in my life have already figured it out. I was the one being blinded by the dogma covering my eyes, even after I had dumped religion.

I have every care about people who are gay. I have asked my self, looked at the evidence for it and know that simply I am not gay, but what if I was? I would simply embrace it. With all that I am, I would be glad to just be having the sex I want with the people I chose to and love the people that nature and my choices made for me to love. So what if I was bi sexual, or poly amorous, or just wanted various anonymous partners? Well I would hope that I was courageous enough to do the same. I would be too, but here I am on the cusp of figuring out who I am and what I want. Religion made me think the choice was easy. Monogamy and fidelity in a heterosexual relationship. You might say, “Well you are no longer religious so it doesn’t matter.” But then I know it is wired in my mind.

While I read the book on Sex and God my mind was busy at work pushing up old agendas. Telling me how my training taught me to be. Reassuring me that the direct line between me and sex had always worked, but it hadn’t. It has made me miserable. Marriage to me is like a prison, at least at this point in my life. I don’t want to be the happy home maker, pop out babies, and cook as my life fades to black. I don’t want to be chained to a man who thinks sex is five min of grunting and grinding until orgasm happens and then he rolls over and goes to sleep. That would sicken me. I also don’t want to have to live my life condemning myself for the desires I have and things I want.

So what do I want? Well I am still working on that. But after the book I know I can get to work. It is going to be hard to face what I have been hiding from myself, and here is not the arena to open everything and expose the raw nerve, but it has been exposed. Now I have to figure out how to do the rewiring. How to let go of the past and embrace the future. I never realized how deep religion had gotten, and how I used the thoughts stemming from my training to punish myself.

I always looked at my sisters and wondered why they could have marriages, and long term relationships, and I never seemed to put it together. My needs seemed to be far from them. I was not settled, and often after some time found myself bored and wanting to try something new or different, because if not I would become depressed with what I had. Always being in some sedate relationship made me depressed, and hate the fact that I was in and badly wanted out.  Someone who can’t stimulate me mentally or physically is can’t hold my interest. Even smart men are great, but not if they can’t have good sex.

I always thought I was being a selfish jerk, wanting to have my cake and eat it too. A man that was smart and good in bed, willing to try new things, and make love like there is no tomorrow. I thought that I was bad for being bored, or me. Religion put a map in my head. One that is wired into so many parts of my thoughts. I was always taught men were the head of the house, but I could never see me being anything less than the equal in the house. I was taught that women were not to be highly sexual beings, but restrained, and virginal. I quickly discovered that it was not me, and I wanted nothing to do with that behavior. Though I know I am not the highest level of risk taker. I am in the middle. 6.6, still higher than some would score. (It is in the book Sex and God.)

I now have to face the information given to me by Dr. Ray. I have to face the years of guilt and self blame, doubt, and most of all rethink me. After reading the book I realize I am not a monster, or a bad person for wanting and needing what I want and need. I am a simple biological being, being me. I can’t play by the rules I never made for myself, and I can’t be forced to be what I am not. Instead I have to have a long hard look at who I am with nothing from anyone outside, and get to know the me that will lead me to happiness, and it is going to take a journey. One that began when I had to face the fact religion had stolen that control from me too. Now it is time to take it back.

So my dear readers I suggest two things….1. Get the book and read it. Set your self free. 2. Even if you think you are open minded about sex, go through the map in your brain and really assess what is yours and what was given to you by dogma. I have seen even atheists be judgmental of each other.


Author: Rachel Johnson

I am a writer about atheist issues. Separation of the church and state. Women and their right to choose, and sex. I talk about all of the "taboos" of modern life as well as evolution and science.

5 thoughts on “In Bed With Dogma. How Religion Controls Us.

  1. Great piece. Thanks for sharing. Yours is a story to those who do not understand the view that religion is harmful to the personhood. Though successful, look at the energy you have had to exert to arrive at the understanding that you are okay as you were born. Your sexuality is okay. You as a woman are just fine. I’ve been seculare my whole life- male 40+ yo — and I thank my parents dearly for shielding the religious poison. Congratulations to you for emergence from it.

  2. My friend;

    You can pretend truth does not exist; that God is NOT in charge; that judgment is a myth and that “truth” is not singular and that you Do know more and know better than God. Millions after all do the very same thing.

    BUT does that change bad to good? No

    Actions do have consequences.

    I’ll pray for you. Merrry Christmas


    • You can talk all you want, but it means nothing, better spend your time doing something worth while. Praying for me is nothing but thinking of me. Oh well, and you can pretend your god is real and in charge but you have nothing to back that up…no evidence. No reason to believe.

  3. Having left the conservative SDA religion (and all religion) that I spent the first 40 years of my life in, I understand what you are saying. Trying to undo what religion wired into my head, whether about sex, love, relationships, etc….I now realize how far I have to go. I have not read that book but it sounds like one that I should get a hold of. While there are no Recovering from Religion chapters near me, I know some people who run them in other states and they directed me to your page. Sometimes my girlfriend does not fully understand since she was not raised in religion, but she sees the struggles and helps me where she can. Also, I understand needing someone who excites you on a mental and physical level. It took me a long time to find one…but it is SO worth it! We challenge each other mentally and that makes it wonderful.

    I wish you luck and hope you can get it worked out. Sounds like you have made a good start and tremendous strides forward.

  4. Rachel, I am happy for you, your awakening, and moreso your determination to live life without the restrictions religion put on you. I’ve done the first too, a long time ago, but haven’t been able to achieve true freedom. In fact, its pursuit cost me my marriage.

    One part of your article kind of offended me, and I wanted to comment. Though I understand that marriage is not for you now, your characterization of it made me sad. That you think its being chained to a man that thinks that sex is 5 minutes of his pleasure made me sad. It doesn’t have to be that way. All men are not like that. And maybe that was just an exaggeration.

    Truthfully, I think marriage is an antiquated institution, and we are socially evolving past it, but if it is a choice that someone makes, I don’t think out needs to be as bleak as you paint it.

    Here’s hoping you find what makes you happy!
    hfully, I think

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