I am not a fan of bashing feminism. I am a feminist at heart, and always will be. I know what people think of me and assume. I am not blinded by a self delusion. It has come to my attention, however, that there is a part of feminism that needs addressed. I saw a clip of The Talk in which Sharon Osborne talked about the humor in a man having his penis cut off by his wife, while sleeping, and how funny she thought it was. While I support comedy and joking, the clarity was evident that most of the women on the panel thought it was fine and funny to do this horrible thing to a man.
The fact is that domestic violence is serious, be it on the part of the man or the woman, and men face it too. I don’t find that humorous. Men often don’t speak out about these things because society sets unreal standards for men. They are told they are stronger and can handle women. When a woman is committing violent acts against you to only way to “handle” that is to call the police or get violent. Since it is the police telling men to not be weak, the only thing you are really telling a man is that he should be hitting the woman. Does that make any sense? There are men out there in this world who believe that abusing a woman is a horrible thing and won’t commit the act. Why should we be telling them we hold a lesser standard for them than woman, or their value is less than a woman. It is absurd at best, and horrendous at worst.
There is a faction of women out there who seriously believe that causing harm to a man is a payback for the harm that has been done to women over the years. But we are talking about people, individuals. In other words, men. I realize there has been a sever amount of tolerance on the part of society for men abusing women for hundreds of years. Religious doctrines in fact allow the perverse behavior and even condone it. Men who abuse women are a lowsome faction of the male population, and so are women. I know of several cases of men being abused by their counterparts and helplessly enduring the agony of being an abused husband.
We need to regard this behavior with disdain, and utter contempt, as we would for any woman suffering the abuse. Regardless of gender, age, sexual orientation, and what society expects, we need to expect better. I can’t imagine how women would have reacted had this been a man cutting off a woman’s clitoris and throwing it into the garbage disposal. Would the laughs ensue? Likely the man would face a whole society filled with rage at the horrible act, and he would have gotten the most severe punishment allowed by law. This woman took the time to drug, tie up, mutilate her husband and then call the cops. This was obviously premeditated and a deplorable act on the part of a human being. She should face the highest punishment as allowed by law. No man should suffer such a trauma. No woman who calls herself a true feminist should condone such a horribly violent act.
This idea of oppressing men and their true nature, of dominating them and disregarding their humanity is lowsome. I have nothing good to say about a woman who thinks violence is the solution. When domestic violence occurs everyone suffers. There is no difference in the act, but possibly in the severity. I say possibly because just as men can use other methods of violence, such as tools or household items to abuse, so can women. The difference in emotional abuse and mental does not exist. The fact is a person who is violent can also be a very loving and kind person when they are not violent. It is all part of the cycle. Children in this situation don’t always differentiate between whom is doing the violent act. All they know is there is violence in the home and they often become victims of the violence as well. The trauma to all of the members of a family can be life long and devastating.
I am an advocate for equality. In all areas of life I hold all things with the same regard. What I will not allow to happen to women, I would obviously not allow for men. It behooves me to believe that so many women justified this behavior. At the end of the clip the show was back on and the women were explaining their position and they meant no harm. But by that time they had sent a message to women around the country and possibly the world that men deserve this kind of violence. What a message to send. Somehow for being born with male genitalia they should be punished. For being born to privilege they should suffer. Not in my mind, or my actions.
The equality us women have fought so hard for can not come at the expense of men. Harming, and damaging them will not teach them to respect us, and degrading them for their biological nature will only add to the resistance men have to change. If you don’t like the behavior of the men around you, then set the standards higher. You are in control of your actions, and I have no respect for women who hit, and hurt men. Just as I have none for men who do the same. Mutilating a person is a crime, and equal to other crimes. I can understand how a rape victim would want to cut off the genitalia of a man who violently violated her, but the moment you commit that act you become as bad as the person who did the horrible act yourself. We are not a society who feeds into the degradation of other humans and nor should we be. We do not abide by the religious ideology of eye for an eye. It simply does not work.
Men are feeling, thinking, caring humans too. I realize there are exceptions to that. There are men who feel no remorse for the abuse they put upon women, and with denial and delusion completely justify it. Just as their women counterparts do. What I have heard from men who have faced this abuse is how it hurt and broke them, just the way a woman is broken by facing violence. It is time to eliminate the stereotyping of males as perpetrators and not victims. Just because men have a bigger size and more strength does not mean they are capable of violent acts.
Abuse does not begin over night. There is a lot of grooming and conditioning which goes into domestic violence, and by the time it first occurs the conditions have been set for it to happen. People who are violent are often out of control in their lives, and seek to gain control by what ever method is available. This can lead to severe acts of abuse. Often times the victim is in love with the person, and hoping to fix the situation or appease the abuser. What they don’t know is that this is not their fault and a problem with the abuser. Victims face blame, shaming, emotional, mental abuse to the point they have little to no self esteem. If you think men are not capable of facing this, then you need to observe men further.
I find it deplorable, horrendous and rancid on the part of feminists who support acts of violence against men. For violence to end in our society we have to face it as a society. Laws need to be eliminated which punish males only and defend women who are abusers. Women who commit violent acts should be arrested and face time in jail. They should be sent to counseling and treated as their male counter parts in the abuse situation and we need to be fair and just with men who want to speak out about their abuse. A man is not a better person because he can “handle” his wife, no more than a woman with a knife is for “handling” her husband.
I support fairness and equality. Most of all I stand by the men out there who lack the social and legal respect we afford to women. It is not correct for anyone to face violence against them in any form or manner. Instead we should be working to eliminate abuse at its core, and face it as a united front. We should be ready to step in and shelter, comfort, and aid men in their struggle to not face abuse as we are with women. It is simply not a weakness on the part of men, it is their strength that they can face the horrors of abuse and survive as women have done, and I applaud them for not stooping to the low and ignorant ways of being an abuser. While I recognize that abuse is a two way street, it needs to be eliminated. So for the guys out there, I got your backs too and will fight for you, beside you and with you for equality. That is what a feminist does. Or maybe I am just a humanist who sees equality as being equal in entity. Perhaps when women start rationalizing what they are doing more men will join, until then we have a lot of work to do, and this is my beginning.